OOR COONCIL

This Weeks Caption Competition

YOUR ARE REQUESTED TO SUBMIT A CAPTION FOR THE ABOVE PATTOON.
Mines is "Tony ,I konw we arn't that popular now but do you really think,us dressing as cowboys will help us?" Tony "Well it worked for them bumboys in Brokeback Mountain"....Gordon !"i dont have to get bummed!Do i!" Tony just smiles.

One Step Away

Blair and his buddies are taking us just one more step nearer a nuclear confrontation.Not only are we telling the Mental Iranians not to Enrich Uranium because they might make a bomb,We are being told they are going to spend £25,000,000,000. Of future tax money to buy more of the Death bringers/world enders ourselves.These guys need to take a serious look at themselves before we start condeming other countries.Nuclear weapons are only a detterant for the time it takes the other countries to fire thiers.There are no winners in this battle.No real survivors,only people not killed quickly but killed just the same.Not in my name mr Blair.Not in my name.

More toons

Cartoons

HES HERE

Finally baby PATRICK (Ciaran Robert)Kelly hae arrived.I know the my wee baby sister has decided to call wee Pat something else and i was to slow to Register him as Patrick but to me hes oor Pat.Hes perfect.So a big up to the Kelly clan for giving us the joy of a new wee guy.Well done oor Mary and oor Stevie.I only have one concern,On meeting wee Pat for the first time he decided to fill his nappy when i was holding him and i took 20 mins to free me from his recently filled pampers.But i will forgive him ,I have that effect on a lot of people.......So congrats new Parents.

TURNS OUT YOU DONT KNOW SOME PEOPLE AT ALL

Or the torture of a friend.Please if you are standing,sit down.It turns out that a certain individual and "FRIEND", went to my favorite food place,In the full knowledge that i was sitting in the house just contemplating my navel or something like that.sheeeeshk........They went to Nandos.Did they bring me a carry out of my favorite veggie burger...........NO THEY DID NOT.So you know who you are !If i were you i would drive back to Nandos and get me the said burger and maybe a wee pudding and we will say no more about it....capissssh.Good.

My new Tony Blair Style

I thought i had made him to comic book super hero style....so i rounded him off.Have you ever noticed that he has his tongue poking oot when hes waiting for an answer and he shuts his right eye.its wierd.

Saddam To Hang

Its a bit of a pity that his Hanging may be quite soon as hes lined up some film work with the Bumfights guys,Hes even scheduled the day at the Tattoo parlour for the Bumfights lgo on his forehead.Seriously though if we cndone this monsters death,That makes us as bad as him.Put him in jail forever thats what i say.

Boris

Keep your pants on Boris.So far he has 1 wife ,4 kids and apparently 2 other chicks on the go.I think its time for some bromide big chap.Notice his eyes sometimes hes looking forward and other times down with a little bit of shame.What a fantastic trick of artistry,even if i say so myself.

Real Radio Mention

Robin Galloway gave me a mention on his fantastic breakfast show because i sent him the pattoons of his windup of the England team.So i thought id take the mince out of Roughy and Ewan after they spent the night in the same bed before the Hearts /Hibs game.Here it is i Hope you enjoy it.Note the Believe bars,That Roughy said he has stopped eating,The choice of movie the young lovers had to watch,The Pop poster of George Michael (apparently a big favorite of the boys) and of course the Scotch Pie to keep Roughies strength up (Hes not getting any younger".Who are we to make snide comments about,what is just an act of love between two consenting adults.

THE RED CROSS PENIS SIZE SURVEY

To try and survey the size of the british populations Penis.The red cross have asked for anyone with a smaller than 3 inch Penis to fly a small white flag whit a red cross on it.Alternativly if yours is over 8 inches either talk in a Bargeddie accent or fly a blue flag with white stripes coming diagonally from its corners crossing in the middle.Your assistance in this matter is much appreciated.

WONT BE LONG NOW

All the hype for the England team continues even though they were rank in thier first game.The english public have all got thier wee flags oot,thier sewing buttons on thier claes as we speak and fishing for jelly and eels in all the canals in England.The comentators are getting all excited,They cannae shut up aboot Metatarsals,1966, will rooney play,wont he play.But no one is mentioning that in 1966 one of thier goals was'n't a goal.They keep banging on about 'THE HAND OF GOD GOAL',Which i might add was magic,as a big world cup cheat thier the fucking cheats.No wait thiers worse.whos this big streak of pish who does that snidy Robotic dance when he scores against a pish team.Hes a legbreak waiting to happen.Anyway...mon the Trinidad and Tobago.and before you all start "I'm part Tobago",so there.

SCOTTISH ENGLAND FANS I DONT GET IT

England game today.Lets all get behind them.....and shove their team bus off a cliff.Only kidding....they buses cost a bomb.Its time to sort out some of the scottish guys up here.Yesterday i saw 3 fat guys with England tops on.Fair enough if they are English but they are not,They are from Bellshill,oh and by the way there is nothing wrong with being fat.I'm saving up my fat incase there is a famine.Then the fat people will rule the world...welll for a bit anyway.So getting back to these Twats.I'd rather drink petrol and fish guts than wear another countrys football top.The same goes the other way round an English man in Scotland wearing a Scotland top should be Publically flogged with a copy of the peoples friend untill the flogger is quite bored with the flogging.So i dont get it.I did notice that the guy with them had a Rangers top on so i guess it could be the We love the Queen mob.Well if it takes an 80 year old woman to become the lady of your dreams then i think you have enough problems without me throwing in my twopenith.Though i do suggest you keep a bucket of industrial strength lubricant just incase you every meet your object of desire guys.Seriously get a grip.You might just have well bought a plain white t-shirt from tescos for £2 and wrote the words "I AM A WANK" ON THE FRONT AND THE BACK",Just to make no one is confused over the issue.

A COLONY OF BUSH MONKIES

THE WARLORDS

THE END OF MY ILLUSTRATION CLASS

A nd of course the end of the torture of 'the poor wee soldier'.I enjoyed my 10 weeks.All the people involved were not only a great bunch but very talented.Abbey's granny will live with me forever( Not literally,but it was amazing).It was a pleasure to spend time with this group.Catherine ,Thanks for the lessons in gouash and the quink.Even though i think you made them both up.I enjoyed using your 10p asda own brand bleach.I'll definatlly miss the seagull and the guglings,I hope they will be fine.So from the posh lady to the large boy,Thanks for your time and i wish you all the very best of luck in carving out careers,You are all talented enough.On another point,would any of the ladies attending tonights doo please note my Susie will be wearing a white.We dont want anymore clashes....I thankyou.

I LOVE REAL RADIO WINDUPS

ROBIN GALLOWAY TOOK THE PISS OUT OFF THE ENGLAND CAMP BY CALLING THEM AND TELLING THEN HE HAD A METATARSAL TO DELIVER TO THEM.ONE OFFICIAL SAID HE WOULD KEEP IT COLD IN HIS HOTEL ROOM MINI BAR....FANTASTIC.

BARGEDDIE SAYS'

On yer bike Tony Blair and take your cronnies with you.

I THOUGHT I'D MISSED IT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY OLD MATE.WHEN IT FINALLY COMES.
BUT CAN YOU GUESS WHO THE OLDIE IS?
ADMITTEDLY ITS A HARD ONE...NOT...OH AND WELCOME BACK LADIES .

Rats

Sometimes in life we need to Face a Rat,Lets hope if We ever come across one,we are not in a paper boat!

Hello Again

After repeated requests from the public .Pattoons is back in Business.Enjoy the warmth it brings.Oh and save the A&E.